He was so little - only five years old. He was my baby. Together with his big brother we were embarking on a new adventure -- something we had never done together before but would do for several years after. We spent a week at Maywood Christian camp together.
I went fully expecting Alex would be in the cabin with me. After all, camping age was officially 8 -- meaning even the youngest of the boy campers would be at least 2 to 3 years older than Alex. We know the way mothers feel about their children. He was -- is -- and will always be -- my baby. For most of us, the memories go too deep and the heart is too full for it to be any other way.
My expectations were not to be reality. When we arrived at camp, the co-director suggested Alex be put in the cabin with the other little boys. What? How could this be? Those boys who were so much older and bigger than he was. How would he ever make it?
Needless to say, I was extremely hesitant about the whole thing. But Tony assured he would be in great hands. The young men who were taking care of the youngest set of boys were great guys and Alex would be fine. "Yeah, right!" I thought to myself. In an effort to persuade me, Tony suggested I let him stay on the boys' hill one night and if Alex was unhappy he could come back to be with me.
I finally agreed to the one night deal. I honestly thought that would be it and surely both Alex and I could live through one night. I still don't remember where we got the extra bedding for his bunk, but I helped Alex get set up in his cabin for that 'one night.' I noticed how excited he was, but still didn't think it would last.
I was so wrong!! I barely saw my little boy the rest of the week! He would race past me with all the other boys and glance quickly my way, but never wave or speak. To acknowledge his mother was there would be weakness. It would somehow mean he wasn't as big as the other boys. So from a distance I watched my little Alex fall in love with the same Christian camp I loved as a young girl.
He went at everything 200%. He always has. Only once during that week did he seek me out for anything. It was one night during our "canteen break." He bought a canned soda to me and asked me to open it for him. I said I would if he would give me a hug.
The cost was too high. I didn't get my hug. Alex just took the can, sat it on the bench beside me, turned around and walked away. I should have known it was too much to ask of a little boy trying to prove himself.
I suppose Alex and I both learned some things that week. He learned the love and joy we share at one of our favorite places in the world. If I never realized it before, I certainly knew then how independent my little fella was. I learned he could actually get along without his mom being with him at every turn.
These memories are bittersweet. Most mothers are happy to see their children grow up and watch their world expand. Yet it is a little sad to know their ever expanding world means we will be a smaller part of it. We miss all the times when they loved to be with us and would tell us everything about their day.
When I think about this, I realize how sad it must make our Heavenly Father when we don't spend as much time with Him as we should. After all He is our Creator. He loves us so much He gave us His only Son.
From the very beginning all God has ever wanted is to be with us. He wants us to talk to Him about everything. Does He watch eagerly as we run through our day hoping for some kind of acknowledgement? How does He feel when He gets barely a sideways glance from us?
As humans, sometimes we have to grow into a certain amount of maturity before we are no longer embarrassed by our parents or their presence in our lives. At some point it no longer bothers us to hug our mom in public. Likewise, we have to reach a certain amount of spiritual maturity to proclaim the presence of God in our lives.
As our Heavenly Father, God wants us to be happy in our lives. He wants the best for us here on earth - yet at the same time, He wants us to remember Him. Is the cost too high for us? Like Alex, do we set the soda can down and walk away?
In Luke 9:22 Christ foretells his death and resurrection. He then challenges His listeners in verse 23, saying "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it."
Granted, it is not always easy to follow our Savior - to live as He did, to teach what He taught and do good to all we meet like Jesus did. Darkness resists light and the devil will always battle for our souls.
The challenge to follow Him comes directly after He predicts His death at the hands of others. It is interesting to note He also foretells of His own miraculous resurrection. In a nutshell, Christ said "I will die, but live again. Live for Me -even if it cost your life - then you will live with me."
The promise of eternal life comes just before the challenge to take up our cross. So what kind of blessings do we lose when we fail to follow our Savior? The living water of Christ is far more valuable than a can of soda!
Christ above all things,
Robin
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