Recently one of my sons and I were having a conversation via text. We were primarily just touching base with each other. Then a particular subject and he said, "That's another conversation for a never time." I thought that was not right, so I asked "You mean another time?"
Even though we were only texting, I could almost hear him chuckle when I read "No, I meant what I said." Then I got it. He didn't want to get into it because he thought we would disagree and then argue. So we changed the subject.
Now please don't get me wrong. I'm close to all three of my sons. I love being around them. I enjoy their very different styles of humor. I cherish my time with them (which isn't often anymore). And I love sinking into their big bear hugs. But we are all different people and we don't always agree on everything.
Still that phrase, "a conversation for a never time" stuck with me. I've been thinking about it for several days now. Adam was right. There are some conversations which should never take place. Sometimes we should simply choose not to talk about things we know would either cause strife or sadness.
There are some things we should simply never say. Ever. Think about it. The world would be a better if we realized some conversations were left unspoken. As Christians we are supposed to build people up - not put them down. We should encourage each other along the way -- not trip each other up.
Oh sure there are times when we must stand up for what's right. We have to correct one another sometimes. I have friends and sisters who love me enough to hold me accountable. Galatians 6:1 tells us to restore those who are caught up in sin; but in a spirit of gentleness.
The Bible also says there are times we need to keep our peace. Insisting on have a conversation we should never have could cause irrevocable damage. Why on earth would we want to do something like that?
We should never want to cause an argument. For instance (and this is a little thing compared to others), right now my husband is in the living room watching sports. I am in the kitchen typing this blog.
What good it would do either of us, if I told him we needed to talk about his watching sports too much or tried to insist on watching another channel? None. Nor would it be beneficial if he told me to stop with this blog. A statement becomes an argument - over something unimportant.
Let's give another example. Say for instance, someone in our family loves to tell the same stories or jokes over and over again. Most of us know someone like that. Should we tell Uncle So and So we really wished he would just be quiet? Maybe - if his jokes are vulgar or derogatory in some way. But if they cause no harm other than hearing them for the thousandth time, is it really worth hurting his feelings?
Maybe your son or daughter likes wearing the same shirt every day. If they are washing it every night - what's the big deal? Believe me, where our children are concerned, there are much more serious matters to consider.
Jesus didn't want his apostles to argue and He doesn't want us to either. The Savior said we should love one another as He has loved us. This means keeping the peace, not stirring the pot.
If your sister in Christ loves to sing and praise God loudly but she is really tone deaf, don't tell her. Don't steal her joy. Besides, she probably knows it already. Let her sing - let her rejoice in the Lord. Isn't that one of the reasons we all sing anyway?
All of this is Biblical folks. There really are "conversations for a never time." Some things are much better left unsaid. Several scriptures make this point. I was actually surprised at how many verses I did find.
Proverbs 15:28 says "The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer; but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things." (ESV) When we ponder how to answer (think about our responses) we can avoid saying something we might regret later. We certainly don't want to be known as someone who is hurtful or spiteful with our words.
Here is another good one. Proverbs 30:33 says, "For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife." God just doesn't want His people to cause strife.
We find similar scriptures in Paul's writings. When he mentions the works of the flesh in Galatians 5:19 -21 along with sexual immorality and drunkenness, he also lists enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions and divisions. Ephesians 4:29-31 and Colossians 3:8 are very similar readings.
I encourage to read all three passages and the verses surrounding them. They are all slightly different and carry their own significance. I think these scriptures make it pretty clear. Some conversations really are for a "never time." Sometimes we need to leave things alone.
What we say carries so much power. Our words can cut to the heart, or comfort the heart. They can tear someone down or build someone up. We are the ones who make that choice. No one else controls our tongue.
Our words might stick with someone forever. They may never be forgotten. Wouldn't we rather these words be kind, gentle, positive and loving?
"Gracious words are like a honeycomb;
sweetness to the soul and health to the body."
Proverbs 16:24
Christ above all things,
Robin
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